Two Words Guys Should Never Say To A Woman

Two Words Guys Should Never Say To A Woman“Calm down.”  On the surface, they seem harmless enough. Problem is, when a woman hears these two words from a man, the effects are anything but conciliatory.

‘Epic proportions’

“Men are generally conditioned to take control in a heightened situation so when woman is upset, they may reach for the phrase ‘calm down’ in an effort to pacify her without realizing that they’re making a bad situation worse,” says Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a New York City based licensed marriage and family therapist.

Let’s say you’re peeved because he invited his buddy (who you can’t stand) to dinner when you assumed it was date night or you’re having a heated discussion about that on-going relationship issue that never dies. He says, “calm down” but what you hear is: “You’re being irrational.”

Yes, you’re angry. That’s clear, so telling you in not-so-many-words that you’re angry won’t do much to resolve an argument. And if you’re not (that) upset to begin with? Well, he just elevated the argument to epic proportions.


‘Classic projection’

Some guys use the phrase to genuinely try to diffuse an argument but others store it as a manipulation tactic, a form of reverse psychology when they’re feeling powerless, says Hokemeyer, who calls the move classic projection; if a man feels angry and out of control, he’ll tell the woman that she is angry and out of control. When she predictably responds by becoming more agitated, his own emotions are justified. It’s full circle frustration—and not a fair fight.

So if your guy whips out this phrase in the heat of the moment, what should you do? Hokemeyer has a surprising solution: Simply agree with him.

“Calmly respond by saying something like, ‘Yes, I am upset and my feelings are valid,'” he says.

Then suggest parting ways to cool off and call a friend to vent or go for a run or walk.

Do you agree with this article? How do you diffuse a heated argument with your partner?

Source: Elise Sole, Yahoo Shine

Image: Oprah