How Do I Know If Someone Likes Me?

When you like someone, it can be tough to tell if they like you back. But if you’re ever going to get together, you have to start somewhere. Figuring out if someone likes you is the first step toward a healthy relationship. So here’s how to do that.

Instead of wondering if someone likes you, you should first ask yourself if you really like them, says psychotherapist Elsbeth Martindale, PsyD. Her advice: Take it slow. Check out the person’s values — do they match yours? Remember, this should be fun. If you’re not having fun — and more importantly, if you’re not feeling good about yourself with someone — then walk away.

What if you really do like that person and you’re trying to figure out if they like you back? “Trust your gut,” says Didi Zahariades, MA, a teen life coach in Portland, Ore. If they’re consistently showing you attention, you’re hearing from them often, “that may mean something,” Zahariades says. If she keeps hanging out with you, that may mean something. If someone makes a lot of eye contact with you, that can be a good sign. But some people who are really shy find it tough to make eye contact, so you can’t be sure about that.

You might also ask your friends what they think. They may know better than you do. If your friends say “no, that person is not into you,” (or “that person is bad news”), listen to them, even though it’s not what you want to hear. Trust that they’ve got your back — you’d do the same for them.