5 Best Marriage Secrets Uncovered By Divorced People

In 25 years of studying marriage, Dr. Terri Orbuch, research professor at the University of Michigan and author of the new book “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship,” has found that some of the best relationship advice comes from people who are actually divorced. They brought up the same five issues that they would improve if they had the chance to do it all again.

1. Money. “Many divorced singles say that money was the number one source of conflict in the early years of marriage,” she tells Yahoo! Shine. She recommends that each partner evaluate their own approach to spending and saving money and discuss with their spouse early on. She says there is no one-size-fits-all-financial plan, but couples need to determine their own rules and adhere to them.

2. Affection. Another surprise was that men crave affection—but not necessarily sex—more than women. She recommends carving out time for regular cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and saying “I love you.”

3. Blame. Those who found blame in factors such as being incompatible or too young experienced less anxiety, insomnia, and depression than those who blamed their former partner or themselves for a break-up. Examine what went wrong in the relationship instead of assigning individual blame, suggests Orbuch, and think about how you can resolve conflict better next time.

4. Communication. Orbuch says a trap many couples fall into is “maintenance” rather than true communication. She suggests having a “10 minute rule” every day when you, “Talk to your partner about something other than work, the relationship, the house, or the children.” The key is revealing something about yourself and learning something about your spouse.

5. Move on. If you are irked by thoughts of your partner’s old boyfriend or girlfriend or of a fight that happened weeks ago, you might not be interacting in a healthy, positive way. If you can’t let go of your anger, her book outlines a number of exercises including writing a detailed letter to the person you are angry at—and burning it.

Did you find these tips helpful for your relationship? Tell us how you maintain a happy marriage!

Source: Yahoo News

Image: India Vision

What Your Wardrobe Reveals About Your Insecurities

“Your clothes reflect how you feel at the moment,” says clinical psychologist and wardrobe consultant Jennifer Baumgartner. “What you wear can be an indicator of what’s going on internally.”

Your Closet Is Overflowing. If you have more stuff than space, it may be symptomatic of your shopping habits, but is more likely a manifestation of arrested development, Baumgartner says. You may be clinging to a positive memory rather than accepting the here and now.

You’re Bored With Your Look. If your wardrobe is a sea of blah—neutrals, basics and safe standbys—you may be feeling a deep sense of boredom in your life that you’ve yet to articulate. There’s often a lack of care to purchase new things or take the time necessary to look polished every day. You may be afraid to take risks, get noticed or of what others might say.

You Bare Too Much Skin. Revealing clothing gets attention, but often the feedback is overly sexual and a form of objectification.

You’re Not Dressing Your Age. Whether you’re dressing too old, too young or out-of-date, it represents an inability to identify and accept who you are at this point in time—and everyone else can see the incongruence.

You’re Always In Work Clothes. This mistake is often made by a professional without a typical 9 to 5 job who is unable to compartmentalize work and life.

You’re Covered In Labels. If you truly like designer clothes, that’s one thing. But if you’re covered in labels and shelling out money you don’t even have, “it’s a farce.” This insecurity may stem from a fear of not measuring up or being good enough.

“Use your wardrobe to analyze who you are internally,” Baumgartner counsels. “Take a look at your closet, get some insight and make changes.”

Source: Forbes

Image: Catwalk Queen